Tom and Chris' cinema adventure

Chris and I attended the cinema this evening. It was a fun night, we originally had planned to see RockNRolla, A film I am still looking forward to. Chris and I are huge Lock, Stock fans.

We decided, it's all about you the blog readers, and you'd much rather read a review of us tearing Disaster Movie to pieces. Let's face it, it's going to be awful. However, approaching the ticket desk we couldn't actually bring ourselves to ask for a ticket. Instead we opted for Step Brothers. Expecting nothing, we took our seats for 100 minutes of an expectantly average film.

Instead, we got a fun, fast comedy. I was pleased we chose Step Brothers. I'll review it tomorrow but it's safe with a joint 4-star rating from us. All will be revealed in good time. Until then, dear reader, thank you.
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The Brave Little Toaster

All toasters toast.............utter crap (and bowser)

Okay, this is partly because i don't have time to do my Little Miss Sunshine review right now but also because it just made me think ".....what,why,ahhh!!?!". (But i will tomorrow-hopefully)

Earlier today i got bored so i decided to watch about 3 minutes worth of The Brave Little Toaster (i don't own it, i watched it on youtube) and it's extraordinarily messed up, it's about a toaster who is on some crappy adventure, probably to return to his master (a four year old boy who really seems to get some strange sort of a kick out of over-using household appliances (i blame the parents)). The toaster is accompanied by a lamp, a hoover, a radio and a electronic heat blanket thing which the toaster seems to fall in love with in this short scene i watched.
What made the whole thing extraordinarily weird for me, was a) how the toaster and the lamp described love. The toaster described it as "like seeing a new loaf of bread" and "that warm toasty feeling inside" whereas the lamp described love by the so called pleasure he gets out of a four year old boy changing his bulb.
b) this is what mainly freaked me out, and it's the fact the toaster has a nightmare and in this nightmare a clown dressed as a fireman petrifies the toaster by saying the word "run" which causes me to completely re-think my life whilst watching a toaster attempt the well known skill of running.

Eventually the toaster is attacked by a Tsunami of forks and falls from a great height into a bath tub, oh and to make it even more scary.......THE TOASTER BURNT THE TOAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shock horror!!!! not only is this every toasters nightmare it's also every film critics. Yet i do find some pleasure for hating a film about a living toaster, and even more for it's sequel (the brave little toaster goes to mars, which i haven't seen, but to be honest i don't think i need to).
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TV

"Oh, TV's ruining our younger generation, they'd rather watch Coronation street and have sex than get an education! Won't somebody help us?!" Shut up, Daily Mail.

A word on television.
I used to be a real addict to the TV, blindly following one show and then another, caught up in the lives (or jokes, in the case of one of my many favoured panel shows) of others.
Television has got a bad name from 95% of the crap they put on it nowadays, anyone with Sky I urge you now to delve into the lower recesses of the menu and watch Psychic TV. The stuff melts your brain, it truly does. Channel 4 STILL expect us to watch Big Brother. A show so monotonous and filled with the worst people you'd ever wish to encounter, it's a shame really, it could have been such an interesting idea. But, as always the show's producers decided to go for people with tits and people likely to get into a fight to entertain the morons with free time EVERY night at 9pm. This shit doesn't deserve to be on television when there's so much other great stuff going on.

Nowadays I usually only follow one show at a time. It lets me follow everything and know what's going on. When you think about it, TV shows take an extraordinary amount of skilled storytelling. More than a film you might say. Yes, The Dark Knight lasted 2 1/2 hours. There's rumours of a 3-hour Watchmen film being released.
Child's play. Season 1 of The Sopranos lasted 21 hours. The level of complexity and detail in that story is immense. It's currently my show of the week. I'm just about to start on Season 2. How clever is it, that a show centered around a murdering, thieving mobster who cheats on his wife, lies to his family and hides guns in his mother's retirement home can get you on his side? It's fucking clever screenwriting and it's a shame I didn't follow the show when it was around. Oh well, five seasons to go.

Another special mention of mine goes to The Office.
Well, yeah. You all think, it's fantastic.
Fuck Ricky Gervais. I'm talking the US version. It's funny, compelling and dare I say it, has better supporting characters. It's truly admirable how a show developed directly from a british sitcom can work on it;s own terms while still staying faithful to the spirit of the UK version. I love it, and you should too.
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What were they thinking 2

Shark Boy and Lava Girl????!!!!???
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?????!!!!!????

The plot of shark boy is literally that he was raised by sharks and for no reason grew gills and apparently the sharks told him how to fight.....oh and he grew a fin too from being around sharks so much.
WORST FILM EVER!!!!!!!


Oh and also, another thing which really emphasises the question "what the hell were they thinking":

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beverly_Hills_Chihuahua


THATS NOT EVEN A PROPER FILM IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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What were they thinking?! 1

There's been points in films where at some point, something happened that made you lose all faith in the film.
I hope to showcase some of the best examples of that, starting with a humdinger from Spring 2007.

Yes it's the infamous Spiderman 3 dance scene



What were they thinking?!
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Cinematic Irony

My first real blog story.

It's Monday afternoon, and Chris (from the blog) and I are out in town.
"Why don't we get our tickets for The Dark Knight today?" I ask, aware of the complications that can arise when trying to get into a Summer blockbuster. Chris agrees and, as I owe him probably over £10, I offer to buy his ticket as well. I go to the cash office and buy two tickets for the 20.30 showing of The Dark Knight on Thursday. Evening hours? Schools out? Opening night? It's gonna be busy.
We walk out.
"Are you going to give me my ticket?" Chris asks. Now, I know for a fact Chris is not one for remembering things. Forgetting a ticket this small is just his style, I remind him of this and insist on keeping a firm hold on the tickets.
"If anything happens to those tickets, you'll never hear the end of it!" Our friend Joe chips in. He's right. Chris would gloat for endless hours should I be so careless as to lose these tickets.

Anyway I arrive back home that night and fall almost immediately asleep. Upon waking up I'm repulsed by the amount of clothes in my washing bin. I decide to put a dark wash on.
I halfheartedly remove the coins and belt from my jeans, and shove the contents of the bin in the washing machine, crank it up to 40, and go and play on my Xbox

You can see where this is going can't you?

While enjoying a bootlegged clip of Heath's Joker killing a mobster with a pencil, I smugly remind myself I have tickets for the opening night, when a thought hits me
They were in my jeans, I took the coins out, did I... Oh shit!
I dash to the washing machine. The cycle has cruelly ended. There's nothing I can do. I remove the soggy mess of paper that is my 2 tickets and examine them. I might still be able to get away with them, I'll talk to the manager. But I'll never, ever live this moment down in front of Chris.

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My opinion

Indy 4 was a good, well plotted film. I for one LIKED the idea of aliens, we got something genuinely historically mythical, as well as it being a superb action film without the extra-terrestrial plotline.

Spiderman 2 beats any other comic book film ever made. Even X2, Batman or Batman Begins.

School of Rock wasn't THAT good.

Magicians was a funny film. it's got a good 3 stars to it's name and plenty of potential.

Garden State is one of the worst films ever written, and Zack Braff SHOULD be typecast as JD, it's the only good role he's got and the only one where he doesn't look a complete douchebag.

Going off films for a second, Christopher Eccleston was a better Doctor then David Tennant. Ladies, stop watching because you think he's hot and because the plot's easy to follow, no more of Russel T Davis' dei ex machinis for you. It's all Moffat from here on out.

Oh and enough of these art house types pretending anime is the best genre out there. I'm pretty sure most of you just made up your own subtexts to fit in with the film anyway. Go watch A Monty Python film and get over your own greedy pretentiousness.

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Shark Boy and Lava Girl, eat your heart out and die of it

I thought i'd write a very short review, which i may later make a long review, this time it's The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl.


In one word (excluding these words)...........Terrible




Rating: anything below 0 stars would perfectly suit this film

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Perfection

There are a few things in this world I will never badmouth, insult or find fault in.
Anything in this blog to do with these things will be represented with great bias and prejudice and I don't care.
These things are:
Ellen Page, the world's most perfect woman.
Mark Kermode, the world's greatest film reviewer.
Typhlosion
and V for Vendetta.

Any hateful or otherwise negative reaction to these things will be greeted with great hostility and I may even curse at you.

Thanks for listening.
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