Review: Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Just how big a factor does the overall jist of a film play in it's appeal? Would the Dark Knight have done as well if Heath Ledger still walked among us? "Of course" the fanboys will cry, "Absolutely not" say the cynics. In the case of horror films, the genre is enough to have punters flooding to opening weekends and buying grimly-titled DVDs on the bottom shelf of the A to Z at Blockbuster because "they like a good scare". So when presented with a big red demon, who carries a massive gun, smokes and trash-talks to otherworldy villains, how do they react?

"Seriously, guys, go see Hellboy II, it's really good!"
"Isn't that the one with the red demon saying "Awh crap?"
"Well, yeah, but-"
"Go away Tom"

Okay, fine, it's not a film for the casual cinema-goer. A disappointing opening-weekend gross of just over $30million shows this. But the positive reviews have been flooding in thick and fast. I say to you, casual cinema-goer: Believe the professionals. Give Hellboy two hours of your time, go out on a limb, you will not be disappointed.

Hellboy II Starts with a cutesy (albeit slightly cliche) opening scene of a teen Hellboy being read a bedtime story by his father (John Hurt, killed in the first film) telling of an ancient feud between man and the paranormal beings, and of a dormant, unstoppable army that can only be controlled by a crown. Oh and big shocker: It's split in three. Two for the elves, one for man. Did I mention the elves are normally a peaceful bunch, but the vengeful prince (next to the throne) can't wait to get his evil little hands on said headgear and fuck our unsuspecting little world right up? Oh, he's also bound in a magical way to his twin sister, he can read her thoughts, and when she gets hurt, so does he and vice-versa. He also speaks in your classic throwaway-villain way. He's got an RP English accent, of course, dresses flamboyantly and gives little monologues before executing any part of his plans, no matter how small, insignificant or illogical.

But on seeing it, these problems melt away. Del Toro's script is, yes, ropey but builds on it's predecessor to such an extent this almost isn't a sequel, but a far superior standalone film happening to feature and center around the same protagonists in the same time line in the same world. The humour is predictable and easy, but the characters are so likable that the niggles seem trivial in comparison. "I would give my life for her, but she also wants me to do the dishes" laments an inebriated Hellboy on seeing his sleeping girlfriend, before, obviously engaging in a Barry Manalow singalong with his psychic amphibian sidekick Abe Sapien. This film is ridiculous to the point of ridicule, but is so aware of it and just tries to make things fun. It succeeds, as well. The plot roars through an extended troll market scene, an excuse for Del Toro to cameo some of his otherworldly creations on a scale, I suspect, he could never have imagined. His creative flair for "Holy shit!" monsters continues all the way to the finale, where a breathtakingly beatiful-yet-horrific angel of death hints at a third film. If it's anywhere near as superior to Hellboy II as Hellboy II was to the first, I will be first in line to see it, believe that. Sadly, we'll have to wait 'til Del Toro has finished his upcoming Hobbit film(s). f he still can be bothered on the back of that, and if the cast can come back, Hellboy III could shape up to be one of the definitive fantasy films. Ever.

In short: Succeeds Del Toro's "Pan's Labyrinth" only in scale, with the dark Spanish flick still his finest creation. But builds on the Hellboy franchise in such a grand way you can only marvel, once again at Guillermo's work. No annoying evil elf is going to stand in the way of this fun, fantastic sequel.

Rating: ****/*****
Best moment: The Troll Market, and Big Red's ruck with burly troll-henchman Mr. Wink.
Sequel?: Read the article, jackass.
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